Well, I have tried to stay focused on productivity and business but I believe sometimes in life, especially if you believe your story may help another to feel good, it is necessary and relevant to talk about yourself. The nitty gritty. The living, learning, failing, loving, hating, picking yourself back up again, hot mess that we all have come to know as human experience.
It’s ironic how I have lost touch with so many I have once loved yet I have never loved myself more than I do at this time in my life and it is entirely my own fault. I believe, in a past life, I needed constant attention, affection, affirmations to feel pretty or loved or special in some way. I was a people pleaser and a perfectionist. Maybe from the surface, I had it okay but I was missing the most important element – feeling truly content.
I have not overcome my perfectionism but I have made progress since having my daughter. I feel a real sense of purpose and joy. There has not been a real hiccup in the entire journey. Certain moments have been hard and challenging but I have an unwavering purpose now and thus predicaments seem to pass by with ease. It feels divine and truly meant to be. I have awakened my inner child through my actual child who is coincidentally, just like me.
I feel this sometimes overwhelming responsibility to make sure that her life is perfect and every moment of it as sweet and kind as it can be. Deep down, I do know that the day will come when I will have to let go, allow her to make mistakes and become her own person but this time is very nice.
This is not the situation I had envisioned for myself but I do not feel alone nor do I feel in a hurry to meet a romantic partner. She is my family and my home and I have an attitude of gratitude for such a lovely gift in this usually cruel existence.